FINALLY!!!

Well boys and girls... Madeline JANE officially joined our family last night (well, technically this morning) at 12:31 am. She's beautiful, healthy and QUIET. Good grief - I'm not used to a quiet baby. LOL She just eats, sleeps and stares at us - I have yet to hear her cry since they gave her a shot at 1 am this morning... since then she's been the most mellow baby, just cuddly and sweet and adorable.



She's much fairer than Lizzy in that she has blond eyebrows and light brown hair - but she's very pink where Liz had more splotches from being pushed out for so long.



Okay... so what happened you ask? Why didn't I update before I left the house? Well... I didn't think I was in labor. LOL I woke up yesterday at 2 am with a very hard contraction that brought tears to my eyes... I was so frustrated as we'd just gotten home from being checked out at 11 pm... I knew it wasn't the real thing just 3 hours later so I just waited... and struggled through some very hard contractions continually until lunch time. My contractions were about 7-8 minutes apart still... no suprises there, and as of the night before I hadn't dialated ANY since last Friday's induction.



I was so frustrated... finally around 3 I told Jay I had to go in... it was just hurting too bad... call me a ninny but I was in way too much pain for normal contractions - so we pack up Lizzy, drop her off at my mom's and head over to the new hospital. I didn't even bring my bag. I figured I'd beg and plead for some pain meds to help me hold off until my contractions sped up and became regular so that I could be admited. They put me into a room immediately and I had the sweetest nurse EVER. She was a doll. She checked me and then looked up at me and started laughing... she said "Girl you are not going home, you are having this baby - probably in just a couple hours!" You're 6 centimeters and 90%.



Say wha?! Clearly my goal of laboring at home as long as possible had been reached. I just didn't know it. They checked me in immediately and warned that if I dialated too quick I might miss my window for an epidural... uhhhhh, then let's hurry this up shall we? She was such a sweetie - she got 2 liters of IV fluid in me in RECORD time. It was literally pouring into me... it skipped the sensor and went straight from the bag into my arm - in fact, she needed to go call in my antibiotics to the pharmacy and told me to page her as soon as the the IV reached number 8 (it only goes to 9) I looked up and watched a baby commercial... looked back and the bag was empty! CRAP. I paged her and she ran in and shut the IV off with about 2 1/2 feet of fluid left in the cord - otherwise I'd have been getting straight air in my veins. Nice. LOL So when she got back I asked her to check me again - it'd only been 20 minutes but the sporadic contractions were now about 3 minutes apart and were most undoubtedly the worst pain I'd ever been in... she checked me and went "WOAH girl! Slow down! You're 8 centimeters already!" So I was up to 8 centimeters with no epidural or IV drugs... no wonder it was the worst pain I'd ever felt! I had an epi with Liz at 4 centimeters! Anyway, the anisthesiologist came in shortly thereafter and in less than 5 minutes I had my epidural. Bliss I tell you, Pure Bliss. I have to say I'm definately over my fear of needles, I didn't flinch at the IV and barely winced at the Epidural (while my husband stood in front of me staring at the needle - his face was white when he saw how long it was) ;) I was proud of myself - I used to nearly black out at the thought of an IV - now I've had 3 of them in the last 3 weeks, so I'm pretty much over that.



ANYWAYS! The epidural doctor was awesome and I felt very little of the whole process - after having those strong contractions for so long a little epidural felt like mosquito bite. (Okay for the record I typed the above yesterday at the hospital then lost my connection and had a thousand visitors so I'm picking back up today now that we're home. LOL)

Moving on... The epidural kicked in and slowed my labor - which was a good thing as I need my 4 hours of antibiotics... not that it happened - but they tried. lol At 8:30 my water broke on it's own, and I was ready to start pushing at 10 - but they kept telling me to hold off... hold off... let's try to wait until midnight so you can finish up your antibiotics... so I ignored the pressure and urge to push - and finally around 11:55 the nurse said "give me one push just to see how long this is going to take..." She decided I was ready to start pushing but figured I'd take awhile since Liz took so long and got a little stuck... fast forward 15 minutes and she said "STOP! I have to get the doctor in here! Do Not Push or she's going to come out before he makes it!" Dr. Martin was working with another patient so it took him 10 minutes to get there - in which Madeline patiently waited just mere inches from arriving... doctor walks in - sits down and she's out in 3 pushes. Head. Shoulders. Body. lol Cord was wrapped around her neck twice but it was no biggie... same thing happened to Liz... Madeline was officially born on February 29th, 2008 at 12:31 am. She was the very first leap year baby at the hospital. She weighed 7 lbs 13 oz - 20 1/2 inches long. The laid her on the warmer and then cleaned up the delivery area and she just rolled on her side and watched us... no tears - no crying, just opened her beautiful blue eyes and stared at us while the doctor was finishing up. The nurse kept commenting that she hadn't found her voice... but as it turns out - 2 days later, she's just a very quiet natured baby. (Who in the world does she get this from?! Not me!)

I had no tearing, no episiotomy, nothing. I was so happy about that... and still am - it's made healing SO much easier. Other than feeling swollen I was on my feet 2 hours later and walked around.

We had to share a room that first night as they were slammed. We didn't realize that and had asked the nursery to keep Madeline until 8 am (this was at 3:30 - I had to stay in the delivery room until the epi wore off) but the other couple in the room had their baby with them and when we walked in she was screaming... eventually she did go to sleep but between the nurses checking my vitals every hour, and the other mom's vitals every hour, the other baby's vitals every hour- and none of these at the same time - our room had the lights on all night and I got NO sleep whatsoever. Jay however laid down and knocked out for 3 hours- the other girls husband was snoring too, while she and I were just laying there... I almost had them bring Maddy back in but figured it would probably get worse as the babies would just play off each other and holler every time the other one woke up.

Madeline arrived in our room at 8 am and the nurse said she'd been the sweetest baby all night long - just laying there watching the nurses, she'd catnap and then wake up and look around - they didn't feed her until 5:30 am (I'd nursed her at 1:30) and only fed her then because it was "time" not because she was crying or showing any signs of being hungry! And that has continued on until now... this baby is SO mellow! About every 2 1/2 hours she'll start rooting - but she doesn't cry, so I've been holding her off and feeding her every 3 - 3 1/2 hours instead to start getting her on a schedule - this also helps as she'll stay awake for each feeding and get a whole feeding in, instead of nodding off as soon as she get's a little in her tummy.

We were discharged this morning and both Madeline and I received a clean bill of health! All in all I got the birth experience I could only hope for... it was so smooth and the doctors and nurses were So sweet. I'm thrilled that we switched hospitals - Trident was fantastic and I really truly loved being there. I'm on the mend and have very little swelling now - enough to keep me from running around, but you'd never know it by how I walk or anything. I still look about 4-5 months pregnant - yuck. But I'll lose it eventually...

On to her name... we named her Madeline Jane as Jane was the middle name of my grandmother (daddy's mom) - my induction date two Fridays ago was my grandma's birthday (she passed away a few years ago) and we had decided then to switch the name in honor of my grandma... well even though she didn't make it on that day - we liked the idea of Maddy having a family tribute name like Liz, so we decided to stick with Jane. My grandma was a very special woman so this will be a great reminder of her.

For now, my peanut is sitting her all snuggled next to me, I'm going to try and start a new dropshots page soon so I can upload all her pics... for now - here's a couple of Madeline Jane.

An Ode to Jess

I just wanted to post this in my blog. This is the first page of my wedding album and makes me laugh/smile and think back to a different day every time I read it - so I thought I'd post it here...

2 of my Bridesmaids in my wedding wrote this for me while driving down from Ohio to share in that special day with Jay and I. It's priceless and reminds me of them continually so here you go,
They took turns writing so I'll post it as they wrote it...

An Ode to Jess

On the coast of Charleston
Far Far Away

Lived a girl Named Jess
At least, that's what they say.

No other had found
Had not yet discovered.

The legend of Jess
Remained sadly uncovered.
But one day she called,
Her voice full of glee;

"Hey How ya been?
"Good"
"I'm getting married!"

Jess' story was passed
To Fort Wayne and L.A.

And the legend of Jess
Is now here to stay.
So now the two bridesmaids
Are well on their way.

To rejoicing with Jess
On her special day.
Oh the bells will be ringing
There's love in the air.

And everyone's happy
For the newlywed pair.
Someday we'll all have
Spouses and Kids

Ugh the diapers and crying
And food crusted bibs...
But for now let's relax
And feel nothing but joy!

For Jess Lewis
Has a real nifty boy!

~Kelly
&
~Maura


LOL Anyway, fun times... Maura is heading towards her second baby soon - so this is all the more special to me right now. :) I love those girls...

SO. I'm headed out today to walk walk walk at the Citadel for a little while - hopefully this baby arrives SOON!

Still Here...

I think I've had that title about 30 times but what else is there to say? LOL We went to the Charleston Home Show today and I walked and walked until I felt like my feet were going to fall off - the contractions picked up and were marvelous for about an hour -get in the car to come home and they go right away. Figures. lol Anyway... still waiting for my peanut to arrive. Jay spoiled me with Chili's today! SOOOO YUMMY! I love that place. I'm able to eat a bit more now so that's good! Just waiting for the whole process to move along naturally... my suitcase is still packed and waiting.

Jay's putting in our new kitchen sink as I write - I can't wait to see it all finished it's beautiful! (White coated cast iron) I'm super excited to get rid of our stainless - it was junky looking. Anyway, we got the matching Mohler faucet, sprayer and soap dispenser to go with it so it's all a matter of getting it hooked up and I'll have a sink again! (We took the old one out over a month ago so I've been washing dishes in the m/bath sink. Soooo over that. LOL)

Anyway, I bought the girls their Easter dresses today! They match! SOOO Cute!

It's kind of hard to see but they're pink gingham with a smocked rose bud front and tiny rose buds on the colar. I'm going to look for a cute white sweater to go over it since Easter is early this year and it'll probably be chilly... Of course - this is assuming that Madeline arrives BEFORE Easter. :P Good Lord she better. LOL


My mom bought these shoes for Liz the other day - I'd seen them in Stride Rite and loved them but didn't want to pay $40 for toddler shoes! Mom found them at the Stride Rite Outlet for half that! WOOT!
Soooo now I just have to find some cute frilly'ish socks (I'm not big on major frills, just something sweet - perhaps a scallop?) Anyways... cute socks for the girls and then make their bows - Liz will probably have a head band, not sure what I'll do with Maddy's hair - depends on if she has any! We may just do a fitted headband on her.

It was so fun getting them matching outfits! Gosh I am so going to be *that* mom. LOL The one with the matching little girls. And who can help it? Girls clothes are SO cute these days! So there's my little update... can't wait to meet Madeline - sure hope Pink's her color! ;)

Nothing New

Well for the simple purposes of updating and having something too look back at and hold over Maddy's head when she's 16 and I can say "See what I went through to get you here kid?!" Here goes my update from my day yesterday...

3:30 am. I get a phone call to say "We're over full - don't come in, call back around 9 and we'll see about possibly getting you in late afternoon for the induction." Great... well who's going back to sleep after that? Not I... or Jay... and poor Linda who decided to stay at her house and come over early got up at 4 - I sent her a text but she never got it... then just in case I called her at 5:30 - good thing I did, she was about to head over. I called back at 6 am (impatient woman that I am) and just asked how things were going - they said call back late morning and they'll update me. Fun. 10 minutes later I get a call back from my doctor saying, "I go off duty here soon so go ahead and shower and come on in, I'll have a room ready for you in an hour." Woot! That made me smile... phone call back to Linda and I jumped in the shower, trying to take my time. All that moving around got my contractions going again and they were about 7 minutes apart. My thinking is this is going to be pretty smooth since I'm already in mild labor!

We get to the hospital at 7:30 - check in, everything's going well... they saved a room for me (waiting room already had 2 overflow patients) but my doctor wanted to get me started so they booked me in, hooked up my IV and I was on pitocin and antibiotics by 8.

The contractions picked up immediately... which I was fine with... within 30 minutes they were about a minute apart and lasting a little over a minute each. OUCH but it was worth it. They offerred me an epidural pretty quickly since I was laboring so hard but warned that it might slow down my progress so I held off. I continued breathing through the contractions for the next 4 hours while we waited for my body to start dialating more... didn't happen. By 12:30 my doctor came in and started on the whole c section thing - I told her plainly that 4 hours of labor wasn't even close to enough and that I wasn't going to a c section until I reached 10 centimeters and at least TRIED to push her out. She seemed a little annoyed but went along with my decision - then 10 minutes later her attending came in and the hell started. Her attending tried her best to scare the crap out of Jay and I telling us that there was a 15% chance that Madeline was going to have a limp arm from the shoulder distocia... making us sign a waiver saying we wouldn't sue the hospital and that we'd been counseled on choosing a C section and declined it. I was so annoyed... I asked her WHY she thought I had a shoulder distocia? I never have gotten a clear answer - Lizzy was a dream pregnancy and dream delivery- sure she got stuck for an hour and I had to push for 2 1/2 hours straight - but so what? Isn't that normal for first time babies? Nooooo getting stuck for an hour is too long - and blah blah - I asked her to show me the medical records from Lizzy's hospital b/c I just wasn't buying it. And I was tired of people making us feel like bad parents for wanting to go natural. She said she'd go get them... came back and said they didn't have them. Uh... what?! Why not? I signed the paperwork WAY back in the begining of all this weeks and weeks ago saying you had permission to get my records. They just never did. They based the whole entire shoulder distocia off of my verbal recollection of labor back on my first visit. Apparently when I said she got stuck that set of red flags... then when I told them a nurse had to help push on my stomach/pelvic bone to help transition Lizzy that sealed the deal. Instant shoulder distocia. (Said my RESIDENT doctor... not attending - she assumed. Same girl that shouldn't have ordered the amnio 10 days ago.) Not bothring to check the actual records, all this time we've been scared and worried about the baby getting stuck again and having all these horrid problems that the doctors made us feel like would definately happen should we go natural.

Anyways. I told her to call the hospital immediately and get my records. I was having none of this - if I had truly had a SD then that's fine, we'll go from there - but I just had a very strong feeling that my doctor had goofed up again. And I was right. An hour later when the paper work came back saying I had a very smooth delivery, the baby had gotten stuck but with a few different positions they were able to work her out with no problems... it listed that she'd swallowed meconium and had the cord around her neck twice - but that her apgars came back high and that it didn't cause anything to worry about and she went home 24 hours exactly after delivery, a very healthy baby.

So all these weeks of worrying - and it was for no reason... SO now they're mad that they induced me. Great. Without the worry of a high risk pregnancy they were ready to wash their hands of me... didn't matter that I was sitting there in active labor contracting like crazy - nope. They asked me immediately to go home. I refused... it was only 5 - I didn't see any reason why I needed to put my body through the hell of stopping labor early (or at least reducing it without the pitocin) just because I was no longer high risk. I'm due tomorrow for pete's sake! Give me a freaking break. No, I'll stay thanks. Well that just pissed off the doctors plenty... they said fine and left me alone - but immediately ordered the nurse to reduce the pitocin... which caused me to stop dialating, and in turn slowed down my labor.

Here's the kicker, had I taken the epidural when they offered they never would have sent me home... but no, I try to stay strong and tough it out so my labor keeps progressing - and I get the boot. Lovely. By this time it's getting close to 7 pm and a new attending comes on call... no sooner had they let me know I was changing doctors than he comes waltzing in with the worst attitude I've ever seen in a doctor. He took one look at me and said "I want you to go home. I'm taking you off the pitocin completely so theres nothing you can say or do about it. There are patients out there in labor that are futher dialated and they're higher priority than you... I want your room for them and you're being selfish to want to stay when other people need the room." Jerk. Guess what buddy? I've put in my time... I've been the one stuffed in the oxygen closet for 8 hours with no pillow, no private bathroom, stuck with another patient and no privacy... the one with no designated nurse b/c that's not considered a real room - yeah. I've been there. I'm over it. If I leave now, you're telling me there's a strong chance I'll go into labor tonight and I"ll have to come back and sit in the waiting room or oxygen room in labor? Uh. Thanks jerk.

Of course, I didn't say that... I just started crying. My nurse got really ticked at the doctor for being so rude - the whole time we were there she was very supportive of having a natural birth... every time they'd suggest a c section and I'd turn them down, she'd stay in the room and say she was rooting for me and would do whatever she could to help me go naturally. Bless her heart she was the only reason I didn't fall apart any earlier than I did.

Anyway. He took me off the pitocin, my labor slowed down and we got sent home. It was an awful day - 12 hours of HARD contractions... no epidural, just working my way through the contractions. Our nurse would come in and sit with me during the late afternoon - she'd hold my hand while I was breathing hard and always offer me ice after the contractions so I could keep my energy up. She was precious. So to nurse Arlene, I say thank you. Were it not for you I think I would have gone crazy yesterday.

To the rest of the screwball doctors to you I say... screw you. I'm going to another hospital. And I am. I called Trident this morning and had my paperwork transferred there... technically I wasn't supposed to go there as we still owe some money for Lizzy's delivery when we were self pay but the nurse was really sweet when I explained everything to her - she said by law we can't kick you out and we have to take your insurance - so while we can't register you - you will receive no less than 100% good care while you're here.

That made me feel SO much better... I had a great experience with Lizzy's birth - and at this point since every single report says Madeline is healthy - I'm not worried about her being born at a hospital with a NICU (Trident has a level two nursery but they have to transfer sick babies to MUSC for NICU care.) And since I'm no longer worried about the shoulder distocia I'm much more comfortable letting her come naturally. Turns out they said I shouldn't have a problem delivering her even if she's a large baby. Soooo unless something goes horribly wrong - I'll be having the natural birth I want - even if she doesn't arrive until 41 weeks... which if she's anything like Lizzy -that's probably exactly what'll happen.

So be it. While I was looking forward to having her yesterday... more than I can say, and I'll admit last night I didn't sleep a wink I was so angry and frustrated... I sat on the sofa for several hours in the middle of the night just thinking and wondering, asking God why??? But... today, after some rest - my uterus is slowly going back to normal... I'm having trouble still b/c my body thinks it's in labor but my contractions are sporadic and not nearly as hard as yesterday - however I'm having a hard time eating anything as it all makes me sick, so I'm just drinking water waiting for my body to realize the pitocin was only temporary... and that I'm not really in labor right now. My arm is bruised from the IV - and I'm not looking forward to getting another one of those in a few days... but I figure even if she doesn't arrive for another 10 days - I'll live. It sucks, and she'll be huge - they're thinking she's over 8 lbs right now - but... she's healthy. And she'll be here before I know it. So I'm holding on... trying not to think about yesterday too much... if I'd agreed to a c section or epidural I'd be holding my baby right now - but I stayed strong - and I'm paying for it today with no baby. That's the worst part of all this for me.

Anyway... that's my update. Yesterday was probably hardest on me mentally - though my body took (and is still taking) a beating - mentally dealing with multiple doctors who didn't support me was exhausting... dealing with a jerk doctor at the end of a long hard day only made it worse... but knowing that I won't have to see him again makes things a lot easier on my mind.

So Madeline... little girl... you have caused your mommy so much stress and anxiety the last few weeks - I know you'll be worth every minute of it when you arrive, but sweetie, please please please do your mommy a favor and make your way south soon. Please? I'm pretty much over all this pregnancy stuff kiddo - if you never have a younger sibling - don't blame me. You are one major slow poke.

Internet...

Okay, MUSC apparently DOES have wi-fi in the recovery rooms - just not the labor and delivery rooms SO if I'm feeling up to it after she get's here, I'll be able to post pics on my blog of baby girl when she's just hours old! YAY!

So, I'll send out a text when she get's here - and then either Jay or I will upload and post some pics hopefully by Friday night! :D

Thought you'd like to know girls. ;)

Two new pics.

Okay so I just realized I never uploaded Lizzy's Valentine's day Pics...


I got ONE shot of her smiling all day. *bangshead* She was laughing and playing the whole day but every time I'd turn the camera on her she'd get serious. LOL Soo here is my one single shot (and not even a great one) of my stinker with her Valentine's day lips she got in preschool... wearing her "Queen of Hearts" hat and her cute heart shirt. :)
And the second one is my 39 week shot... probably the last being that I'll be delivering in 2 days! LOL It finally hit me in the face - so here's me - chunky monkey that I am these days with a girlfriend of mine who's due in a few weeks, Heather. :)

That's all the pictures for now! Nothing new on the pregnancy front - still contracting like crazy but the darn things won't speed up so I doubt she'll make her entrance before Friday. :)

GAH! Doctors!!!

Well good grief, so my doctor called me yesterday... she said I'd been on her mind all weekend so she went straight to her attending (she's a resident) yesterday morning and showed her all Madeline's charts, her monitor reports, amnio results, etc and said the attending was not happy that she gave me an amnio 7 days after I was diagnosed with the flu... Nice. The Attending Doctor told her she should have waited until Monday to test as Maddy didn't stand a chance of testing in the high range just 7 days after I'd been so sick - they usually count on 14-21 days minimum for babies in utero to overcome sickness... HOWEVER. She said that her testing as high as she did (even though it wasn't quite high enough to induce) is a very good sign that she is a healthy baby. She said after looking at her monitor reports her heart was doing everything it should, she's using her lungs like she should, and she weighs a very healthy amount. All in all the attending doctor said she feels that Madeline is a very healthy little girl and had we tested her Monday instead of Friday she would have tested MUCH higher as she was already out of the sick range on Friday...

SOOOOOO. My doctor was very sweet - I know she's still learning and though I hate being the guiney pig - I know she's doing her very best and wanted to do what was best for me... the attending doctor told her to have me come in on Friday morning at 6:30 am - they're going to go ahead and induce me! My doctor said she told the attending how much I did NOT want a c section if I could avoid it... the attending replied "Well let's give her a fair shot then, tell her to come in on Friday and I'll oversee the delivery." YAY!

So, wow. I was stressed, frustrated, grateful and completely excited all in one phone call. haha. Anyway, if she doesn't arrive sooner (which she just might as I'm bustin at the seams right now - I've had contractions for the last 24 hours about 7-10 minutes apart but they won't speed up or get stronger... similar to how Lizzy's birth went - 3 days of contractions before they finally sped up into the real deal) so we shall see... If nothing in the next 2 days - she'll be here on Friday! :D

It's so hard to believe that I'll be holding my baby by this weekend! WOW. That really puts things into reality! I'm sitting her staring at the cradle, all ready with a soft sheet and blanket just waiting for Madeline to arrive and I can picture her laying there all sweet and soft, cuddled up sleeping peacefully. (*giggle* Yeah I know, that's a nice picture but not much in the way of reality. LOL) But that's okay - she's almost here!!!!

Lizzy woke up from her nap and was in a cuddly mood - I was holding her close and she put her hands on my tummy and looked up at me and smiled... I melt every time she does that... it's like she knows, but yet has no clue. She's going to be such a great big sister... she's so loving. I'm sure she'll have her moments where she'll be wishing Maddy was back in mommy's tummy - but over all I can see her being such a wonderful sibling to Madeline. She loves to point to my belly and tell me her sister is in there... and she'll look over at my sis and say "baby Jack!" It's so precious.

Okay, so FINALLY... a VERY good news update! I've been waiting and hoping to post one soon! So there you go! Madeline's on her way, Elizabeth is excited about her baby sister! Jay and I are sort of fumbling through these feelings but can't wait to meet our new daughter very soon!!!

Emotionally Drained.

Well I'm feeling a bit better this morning... yesterday was very hard on me emotionally and reading back... I really should have just kept all that to myself. I was frustrated, angry at myself and I'm glad I didn't answer any phone calls as I'd probably be making apologies today.

Having said that... I'm still down - but realize that I need to look at this differently, while I can't do anything for Madeline right now except keep her in there - I can enjoy these last few days with my Lizzy. I'm planning on taking her out to lunch and for ice cream here in a few minutes - (she LOVES ice cream. LOL) silly girl. She's been such a trooper the last few weeks, always coming in when I was sick and kissing my forehead saying I love you and then reading quietly or just playing by herself while I napped - my precious baby is growing up so fast... I want to make the most of these last few days with her.

Our house is HOT, dear Lord is it hot in here... they say the new AC unit will be in within a week... thank Goodness. It's insanely hot in this house (probably 85 or higher?) And there's nothing I can do about it except wait for the new unit to be installed soon...

So in the mean time, I think we'll head to the park for an hour or so and then go get some lunch.

I've made up my mind not to let this get me down any more - though I have decided that I doubt I'll ever get pregnant again. It would have to take some pretty huge circumstances to convince me otherwise. For now - I'm ready to have my life with my 2 girls. I dream of all the neat things we'll be able to do with them and that's helping to get me through this emotionally draining period of wait wait wait.

Anyway. I felt the need to update. Lizzy is healthy, she's beautiful and so strong - and I want to just focus on her right now and enjoy her being a single child for a few more days. :)

Bad News...

We had the amnio this morning... while painful it wasn't as bad as I was expecting... the wait for the lab test was horrible...

And we just got the phone call... Madeline's lung fluid is showing that she's still fighting some sickness so we've canceled the induction. They want to retest her in 7 days...

Frankly, I'm mentally a mess right now. I feel like such a failure as a mother - as if I've failed in my most basic duty of providing a healthy environment in utero. I realize part of that is hormones talking... but when they told me she tested as a "sick baby" though close to the healthy line - just not quite there - I immediately started to cry... so now I'm on bed rest until my uterus stops cramping as that could send me into labor if I don't take it easy. *sigh* My poor baby is sick... and there's nothing I can do but lay still... not exactly the most proactive feeling.

And to make things even better... she's measuring at 7 lbs 10 oz. My doctor was nice enough not to make me schedule a C section - but I do have to have my second amnio next Friday... and now we'll be waiting for her to arrive on her own. Which translates to emergancy c section. Lovely. As my friends around me are having their HEALTHY baby's EARLY left and right - I admit... I am really really struggling right now. I prayed so hard that I wouldn't have to go past 40 weeks again - but here we are at 39 weeks and they want her to stay put for awhile yet... *sigh* What a sucky day. :(

And I *know* she'll be okay... I know this is where she's supposed to be... I know this is all for the best... I know. I really do. As selfish as it sounds - it doesn't matter that I know all that... I still hate it. I hate hearing she's sick. I hate hearing I'll be pregnant and not able to hold her or take care of her for at least another 10 days... I just hate this whole process. I was really really trying not to count on her being ready on Monday - but my heart was counting on that more than I could have ever imagined...

I'm not answering my phone right now. I had a friend (who just had her baby last week... at 39 weeks... healthy.) just call me and say "I know how much you want this to end... I really do." I'm so glad I didn't answer. Because No... no I'm afraid that's crap. Having a healthy baby a week early is what I dream of. What I've got is a sick baby whom I can't take care of and a recommendation that I stay pregnant for another 10 days if not longer. No... just... no.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm still here... but just had to share, Ooooh how I am in love with my sweet daughter. I just adore my baby girl. (Well, my BIG girl I should say!) We spent yesterday afternoon working on her Valentine's for class today- and nothing will melt a mommy's heart like watching your toddler carefully pick out cards, sign and decorate each one, then seal the envelope with a heart sticker - for all of her favorite people. Daddy and I got about 8 cards each. hahaha... she was soooo precious. With only 7 other classmates and 2 teachers, and a box of 36 cards - you can imagine how much fun she was having. LOL She was SO excited for her class party today that she didn't get out of bed ONCE last night! (Yay!) We told her she'd have to get a good nights sleep before we could get up and go to her party - so she rolled over, squeezed her eyes shut and didn't make a peep all night... until 6:30 this morning when she woke up and ran in our room yelling about how excited she was that her party was today! Ooooh how we laughed, she was all grins from the moment she woke up. She put on her new Valentine's Day outfit (which I WILL get pictures of at some point today) and her big red bow - and grabbed her backpack - all before 7 am! (We don't leave until 8:15 for school.) LOL So precious.

I am going to miss these mornings where she and I can cuddle all we want and spend time together just her and I. Ooooh how I'll miss them. I know something precious is coming to a close with my first born and I'm already missing these days... I pray she understands just how much I love her even after my affections are split between her and Madeline.

So I'm headed back to the school in just a minute to prep the kids room for their party. Should be a good time with all the kiddo's. :)

THEN my mama is picking Lizzy up from school and spending the afternoon with her while I go to lunch with my Mother In Law, get my hair done and then get a pedicure this afternoon! Woot Woot! Some fun ME time! Jay suprised me with the pedicure idea this morning as my Valentine's gift... he's such a sweetie - he heard me complaining on the phone to my mom about how hard it is to reach my toes to paint them right now - so I'm going to go get the royal treatment this afternoon!

Anyway, I'm still here - and having a wonderful day... I'm full of love for my darling daughter, sweetie pie hubby and soon to arrive baby! I hope you all have a blessed Valentine's Day too! :)

Still here...

Well those contractions are still coming, but no worries... they're not getting stronger or longer so I think we're good for now - I'm still hanging in there. SLOWLY starting to feel a bit better... yay! I'm all stuffed up still, but even that is making headway - (I've only got it on the right side - which means I can breathe out one nostral! YAY!) haha sounds dumb - but it's been nearly 5 weeks since I could breathe out my nose - I'm grateful for that. LOL

So anyway, my mom brought over some fun gifts today - a new robe for the hospital and some PJ's for the day after baby when everyone's visiting... along with some cute flip flops for those miles I'll be traveling between the hospital bed and bathroom. ;) SO I guess I'll start packing my bag tonight. haha - it's been a long time coming but I'm finally feeling motivated to do it...

We also got a fun gift in the mail today! Laura, JR and Austin sent us a beautiful Wendy Billismo (sp?) Blanket for Madeline along with a Doc Brown's bottle gift set! I'm so excited about both of them! The bottles will come in VERY handy (I had just put "more bottles" on my shopping list this morning!) and the blanket is the softest thing I've ever felt... I can't WAIT to wrap Madeline in her new blankie! It's brown and pink (go figure) LOL and ooooh so soft. :) Anyway, that made my afternoon finding that fun box on the porch!

So for now, I'm still pregnant - with a brighter outlook now that I can breathe a little. I'll hopefully be updating soon!

Contractions.

Who knows if this is it or not... but these puppies are not going away. I've been having contractions all afternoon and evening - about 10 minutes apart - although the last 3 where only 6 minutes apart - and no matter how much water I drink, or how long I lay down they're not going away. Although, to be fair, I had contractions just like this for 3 days with Lizzy before they finally decided to speed up and strengthen - these aren't too strong - I can breathe my way through them just fine with no wincing or needing to grip anything.

Anyway, on the off chance this is it, i thought I'd post this while I was still able to. :) Chances are I'll be here another couple weeks with all this - but you never know...

(And I still have the flu. I spent today doing much of nothing - needing to do a lot but just not being able to. I haven't had much of an appetite but I think I'll get some cereal before I go to sleep so I can take all my meds soon.)

Annnnyway... just wanted to update.

Yesterday.

So. Where do I begin? Yesterday was a LOOOONG day. I woke up with a high fever and went in to my OB - it was a pretty good visit - we scheduled an induction for Monday the 18th. I spoke with her attending physician and we worked through everything they were having trouble with before... but, I told her - I'm still not feeling good. I'm trying not to complain but seriously. I feel like crap - she wrote it all off to pregnancy so off I went.

Met my mom, grandma, and sis at mom's house and the 5 of us (including Liz) went out to lunch together and then came back to the house where Mom, Aunt Jill, Grandma and Beth all had baby gifts for Madeline. Everyone got us a TON of diapers and wipes - which is awesome... I'll be set for about 3 months with all this!!! So exciting. Let's hope Maddy doesn't grow out of newborns too quickly as I've got 3 big packs of them... along with that they got the baby some new clothes, so it was wonderfully fun - but I was waning fast - I knew I had a fever the whole time we were out so I took Liz home to nap around 3 and I passed out too.

Here's where it get's interesting... I'd taken 2 Extra Strength Tylenol around 1 when I picked Liz up to go to my mom's... hoping that would break my fever. It didn't. So when I woke up from my restless nap - my fever was over 102. I had no idea what was safe or not safe for pregnancy so I called down to my doctors office and they said "Get to labor and delivery NOW" Apparently anything over 100.5 I'm supposed to go in for - 102.5 was WAY too high. *sigh* So, Lizzy's still napping, Jay's at work - and I'm way to sick to drive myself 30 minutes downtown. I call Linda and she rushes over to stay with Lizzy... 11 calls to Jay's cell - no answer - he left his phone in the truck. UGH. About 30 minutes later as I'm freaking out at the house - Jay pulls up right behind his mom, his phone got bumped to vibrate and he couldn't hear it. Stupid cell phones. SO he freaks out when he see's me sitting in the car with my head resting on the window - Jay's mom goes inside to stay with Lizzy until she wakes up - and Jay and I head off to the hospital. My fever was getting higher and higher and I was getting more worried by the second... Madeline had stopped moving all together about an hour previous and I was freaking out.

We get to labor and delivery - and they're completely packed/overbooked. There's no place to put me. Fun. So they put a stretcher in the oxygen room and get me hooked up to the monitor, it felt like I was camping. I was in a supply closet for Pete's sake! They found Madeline's heart beat right away - but it wasn't good - her heart rate was going between 185 and 205 - WAY too high for a newborn - My heart rate was averaging 160 - (supposed to be between 70 & 100) But the nurses wrote it off to the fever. So then we had to figure out - why is my fever so darn high? Do I have a uterine infection? Am I in labor? I had the doctors stumped. No infection (that they could see) I was having contractions about 30 minutes apart - but that's not enough to give me such a high fever... so more tests... At this point I wasn't allowed to have any water/ice/nothing. And I was so dehydrated I was starting to lose my vision - not to mention all the drawing of blood wasn't helping. Then they came in and had to do an "exam" - but there's no stirups on a stretcher... so back to primitive times, I had to prop myself up on a bed pan - OUCH. They did a few more tests checking for fluid and whatnot - before they finally said "let's give her some tylenol and water and see if that helps." FINALLY. I drank an entire 24 oz cup of water in less than 30 seconds and was begging for more... the nurse's eyebrows were up so high she realized I must be REALLY dehydrated - so they started me on an IV. 2 more big cups of water, ice, 2 cups of OJ, and 2 liters of IV fluid later I was finally feeling like I wasn't going to black out on them anymore. However - my fever wasn't breaking. It took almost 4 hours for both bags of IV fluid to go through me and that was what helped finally kick the fever... finally around 10 pm Madeline's heart rate dropped to the 160's which was finally in the normal range again. Mine was still high, but my fever wasn't completely gone either - it was hovering between 99.5 and 100. SO we wait some more. Around 11 pm they came in and said they were admitting me... I have an active Flu virus. The bloodwork came back and said both I and Madeline have the flu. Well that's just great. I've been to the doctor every week for the last month and a half and you'd think they might have checked for that at least once right? Nope. It took the flu nearly kicking my butt for anyone to finally test me for it. But back to the admitting me thing - I asked them what they were going to do... is there any drugs that help? No it must run it's coarse, SO.... I asked if I could go home and sleep in my own bed - I was so tired from being on a stretcher (2 inch mattress) for 6 hours with no pillow (they couldn't find one), no private bathroom (fun times in a hospital gown hooked up to two monitors and an IV) I was miserable and just wanted to come home and sleep in my own bed. I promised to steer clear of Liz and Jay (though what good is that now? I've been around them nonstop the last 3 days when my fever was so high) and they finally agreed. With strict instructions to stay away from people. Great.

My sister's baby shower is today - you know, the one I've been planning for 5 months now? Was so excited about? My grandma even flew in to be with us? Yeah. that's today. *sigh*

I just knew it though... my luck is just that rotten - I knew I wouldn't have the baby before the shower - no that would be far too convenient, but I knew something would happen - and sure enough. The flu.

So here I am, laying in bed, fever still hovering just under 100 - strict instructions to come back to the hospital if it rises above 100.5. I can't breathe b/c of all the fluid on my ears, sinuses, glands and now lungs. And I'm pretty freaking miserable... when I should be with my family celebrating my new nephew - but no... I'm at home stuck in bed. :(

At one point last night they told me to stop drinking as they were considering a c section to deliver the baby right now - but they had to test her lung fluid first - when it came back that she had the flu they decided to wait as she'd definately be in NICU if she came now - where if I wait and get better, she has a better chance of not making a trip to the NICU.

So anyway... that was yesterday. We finally got home around midnight - I was up every 4 hours taking Tylenol. This morning I realized I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday at lunch so I had a bowl of cereal and OJ. I can tell my fluids are getting low again so I'm drinking like crazy.

I can't wait for a happy update. *sigh*

Quick Update...

Back from the doctors, I have fluid on my lungs. :( Not a ton, but it's from all the fluid on my ears, sinuses and glands, doc said it has no where else to go so it's been draining into my lungs which is what's making me cough so hard. And my throat is overly irritated from coughing so hard which is what's making me cough up blood.

Anyway, I'll live. Just wanted to update - Madeline's fine and fortunately what I have isn't contagious - it's just an excessive amount of fluid - which they can't fix until after I deliver. He gave me Tylenol with Codine to take to help me sleep (UGHHHH I refuse to pull a Heath Ledger and die from overdosing on too many perscription drugs! AH! That's what it feels like anyways... though he assured me all was fine) so I'll try the Tylenol tonight and skip the Ambien - maybe it'll help my throat enough to where I'll sleep better...

*sigh* Prayers that Maddy comes quick. I know y'all are gettin tired of me whinin, Lord knows I am.

Yucks.

Well the positive part of this is that Maddy's been moving more - definately heading south for the big day, she was kickin and squirmin all night long so that made me feel good...

On the other side of things, I started coughing up blood and running a high fever last night so I'm on my way into the doctors as soon as they open. Jay didn't sleep at all and kept waking me up from whatever little sleep I was getting to take my temp - it really freaked him out, he said he could hear my lungs crackling. Yay. So off to the docs I go - I'll update later.

A little worried...

It's 1 pm and I haven't felt maddy at all today - I poked her a couple times and I can move her legs, but it's me pushing on them... not her kicking or anything. Coupled with the fact that I developed a nasty cough last night which makes me feel like I'm pushing Madeline out every time I cough. It hurts so bad! (My throat hurts yes, but it REALLY hurts down there.) UGH. I'm wondering if I haven't traumatized my baby with all this hard coughing... it tightens my stomach and probably pinches off her air supply every time I cough - which is about every 30 seconds. *sigh* I drank some apple juice a little bit ago - if she doesn't start wiggling soon, i'm afraid we'll be headed to the doctors office... which is downtown - meaning we'll get stuck in all kinds of lovely traffic on the way home. *sigh* I hope she's okay. :(



EDIT: I did get one little jab earlier when I was poking her... it was obvious she was annoyed as it was a fast kick and then she moved to where I couldn't really get to her. LOL Guess she just wants to rest and be left alone... *sigh* I'm so tired of worrying about this little person that I can't see.

Nursery Update. :)

Here's some pics from the nursery... it's not done yet - no name on the wall, artwork is just sitting around in the crib and on the changing table instead of on the walls, and I haven't made the curtain yet... BUT I did recover the glider, finish the artwork (though it still needs framed) and semi arranged the nursery so it's not such a mess anymore. :)

Here's some pics!

I'm very proud of my glider! It went from

worn out light blue to this! :)

Here's some of the artwork I made. :)

These two will go by her name over the crib.

Oh what a day...

Yes, it's 5:30 in the morning... but I can't sleep so here I am. ;) First news of the day, my friends Amy and Matt had their little boy last night - a month early (*grrrrr*) at 6 lbs 2 oz. Hopefully I can arrange a visit sometime today to go see him, I'm sure he's a handsome little guy -their daughter is beautiful. Anyway, So I'm a raging ball of emotions for them... so happy - and so jealous. But whatever, we've all heard me gripe enough about that.

On to our shower last night! As of yesterday morning only 2 people had RSVP'd so I figured it'd be small and family oriented. Ha. It ended up being HUGE and was SOOOOO fun! All in all I think we had close to about 40 people including the munchkins. Linda and Aunt Marianne made TONS of food and it was all super yummy. (FYI, Publix makes the BEST cakes! I could have ate half of it myself... but of course, I didn't.) :D They set up a kids bar with a basket of gold fish, grapes and cheese where the little one's could come grab what they wanted as they wanted it, they had mini apple juice boxes for the kids that were a huge hit! Beer, wine, soda's, water etc for the adults - a nice touch as they even played a game where 4 of the guys had to drink 8 oz of beer from a sippy - whomever drank it fastest got a prize... I wish I'd have had my camera out for that one. LOL I think Aunt Marianne got some pics though. Fun fun times. :)

Everything was decorated so cute, and it was so great having all our friends and Jay's family come celebrate with us! All the mom's told me several times that it was such a great party and so much fun having their families along. Everyone was relaxed - there was nothing for the kids to get hurt on or in to, so they just snacked, played and roamed all night long. The shower was supposed to be 2 hours but ended up lasting 4.

Anyway - I had no idea so many people would show up. It was truly a blessed night for us. :) Just having everyone there was so fantastic... but the gift table kept us busy for nearly an hour as well. It was all so wonderful! Linda went all out and bless her heart made it such a memorable night. She really is such a fantastic Mother In Law. Every time I'd look around the room and see what she pulled off - I was nearly brought to tears. Brooks came and set up his DJ equipment so we had some really great music all night long. (A true lowcountry mix of beach, shag and country) LOL

I'll try to remember everything off the top of my head that we got for gifts - but I may have to go back and update in the morning when there's enough light to find the gift list.

Linda put together a basket of 4 lotions, 4 bathwashs, a star sponge, diaper sacks and refills, 2 cradle sheets, a hanging musical elephant (which I am in LOVE with... it sings and whistles just like Jay does - Jay's whistling always calmed Lizzy down when she got fussy in the car - so this will be like having daddy all the time!) a six pack of burp cloths, and I'm sure more things that I just can't remember right now. LOL She also got us our diaper pail (PINK diaper champ!) So adorable.

Aunt Marianne got us a huge pack of diapers.

Grandma and Grandaddy gave us $25 to use on the baby. (Which I think I'll be getting a blanket that I'm in love with at Babies R Us.) It'll be special and remind me of them when I use it on Maddy.

Anna and Nathan got us a baby gym! YAY! I really wanted to get one of those this time... it's also a travel bed for baby (for the days before they start rolling) it's all soft and cushy around the edges so they don't scoot off. And has a really cute hanging gym that can be taken off and attatched to the crib too! They also picked up an "I love my big sister" bib... So adoable. And our first! :)

Rae and Casey got us a big pack of diapers, 3 GORGEOUS receiving blankets - they're all modern and adorable, a baby hat and baby booties!

Tiff and Abbie got the sweetest outfit for Maddy... it's light brown and cream striped pants and a soft pink dress to go over them with the matching brown stripe ribbon across the chest. I can't wait to see her in it!

Kay and Bruce got Madeline a sweet baby lamb cross to hang on her door, so precious, and a 6 pack of Minnie Mouse socks that are SOOOOO cute! (They come in all different colors, I can't wait to see Maddy in them!)

Brooks and Jacquie gave us a beatiful bedding set for the cradle... it's off white scalloped cotton, and will look so sweet in there. They also gave us a high chair cover for Maddy when we go to restaurants and a 4 pack of receiving blankets!

Denise got Maddy the matching pillow to her nursery! I can't wait to finish recovering the glider so I can set it on there! :) SO cute! She also got us a BIG pack of diapers, 3 waterproof lap pads and some baby q tips.

Heather and Patrick got a blanket for Maddy that I'd been dying to get... it's pink, white and brown polka dots on the front and brown chunky fleece on the back. It's SO soft and thick and warm - perfect for covering Maddy's carseat on these cold mornings!

Donna and David (our neighbors) came and got Madeline a toy for the carseat which lights up and makes music - and has a remote control so I can turn it on when she get's fussy from the front seat! They also got big sister Lizzy something... (so thoughtful!) An adorable outfit with red and white polka dot (very minnie mouse looking) pants and a white top with hearts on it... very cute! AND it came with a red and white polka dot journal and crayons for the big sister. ;)

Ashley and Emery came (I threatened her that I'd kick her out if she brought anything for us as she was the one who did the big basket with Charlie at our suprise shower the other night.) LOL

We had such a great time with them... I know I'm forgetting some people/gifts but I'll update later when my brain is working better. I'm SO tired, but we truly had a wonderful evening.

Marianne took all the pictures so I'll have to wait until she get's them to me so I can post pics... I think I have one shot of Ashley and I (she was goofin off wearing the game prize of one of the games we played - family man boxers. LOL) but aside from that, I'll have to be patient for aunt Marianne's pics to arrive! :)

I left there exhausted but thrilled - blessed and so ready for Maddy to arrive! :D I decided - tomorrow and Monday I'm getting this house ready for her and then I am going to start walking 3 miles (at least) a day until she get's here.. no joke. This baby is not going to 40 weeks if I can help it, between the doctor ordered sex (fun times at 9 months pregnant) and walking til I'm blue, somehow or another I think she might arrive a little sooner than the 24th... we shall see!

Stink.

Well, what else is there to say other than... MUSC is out to make a living, and frankly today they proved to me that they're not so concerned with my wishes or best interest as much as they are a bottom line. They have instituted a new rule across the board for all doctors - no scheduled inductions for any reason aside from high blood pressure. Being that I have very LOW blood pressure - this excludes me completely. And means that there's about a 90% chance that I'll be having a C-section. Furthermore, she so sweetly offered to go ahead and schedule me a C section not caring one lick that I told her I wanted to avoid that at all costs. She looked at me like I was crazy for even suggesting that we take precautions to help insure that I don't HAVE to have a C section... Yeah, I guess I'm just weird for prefferring NOT to be cut open like a Christmas freaking turkey.

She did the ol' "baby butt grab" (felt Maddy through my tummy) and in that very scientific method assured me that she wasn't even 6 lbs yet... the ultrasound tech measures her bones and says 6.5 lbs a week and a half ago - but clearly, this method is more effective... my child has a small tush so that must mean her whole body is a pound smaller than the measurements. UGH. I looked at her and said point blank... "So you're telling me that you're going to let me go to 40 weeks, knowing that Madeline has tested ready to come already with fully developed lungs, knowing that my body can't handle large babies and KNOWING that I'm going to HAVE to have a freaking C Section - for no good reason aside from the fact that there's a new rule???? WTH. I don't care about your stupid rules. Rules don't apply to pregnancy - there is no rule book - each baby, each woman and each pregnancy is different, so who are they to say they'll schedule a C section (which makes the hospital thousands of dollars more while commiting the doctors to less than half the time spent with a patient) but not schedule an induction which would result in a natural birth instead of a C.

Yeah. Rules my butt. I'm ticked... (obviously) If she'd have told me that it was for the baby's best interest to wait another couple weeks, I wouldn't have uttered a freaking word... but to tell me that it's in the HOSPITAL's best interest just ticks me off. Not mine, not Madeline's - but some money hungry jerk who decided to place this rule into effect knowing good and well it'll result in more $$$ for the hospital b/c it'll result in more C section births.

Nice. I'm half tempted to call the other hospital I was looking at and see if I could find a doctor who would take me this late in my pregancy... is that over reacting? Should I just suck it up, schedule a c section and be done with it? When it's compeltely against anything I wanted for me or Madeline... or Lizzy for that matter... if I have a C section there's a minimum 72 hour stay over period from time of delivery - that means I'm away from Lizzy at night for 3 additional days instead of just one night. I've never been away from her overnight... I can tell you right now that I (and probably her too) WON'T deal with that well... I'm having a hard enough time thinking of leaving her for 1 night - knowing that my chances of having Maddy naturally are so slim now, this is making me want to go back on this whole pregnancy thing. Why couldn't the doctors have told me this WEEKS ago? I mean, they know all the same info back then... they talked with me about an induction if the baby got too big - and now thanks to some rule, they just can't follow through? UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH!!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah, AND to top all that good news off... they informed that if I don't have AT LEAST 4 hours of antibiotics for the group strep B in me they won't let me deliver her naturally even if i could... so on the off chance she does come early, if I have a fast labor - they STILL won't let me have a natural birth. But plan an induction so that they KNOW I'll have all the meds first? No, that would make sense so we just can't have that.

*sigh* I can't tell you the last time I felt this depressed and helpless. I hate this.