Curveball.

Granted this is public, but seriously, who really reads it? I'm about to take this blog to a new level of personal. That's right baby... it's diet time. I had a major curveball thrown at me last week while visiting the doctor. Well, let me back up first. Anyone who knows me very well (or knew me at all while I was pregnant the second time) is aware that I had some serious depression while pregnant with Madeline. I was miserable in my body, got sick way too many times, and had the doctors from hell steering my big behind in the wrong direction for 9 months... all that to say, while it improved after I gave birth, it was still enough that I was miserable, scared & needed some help. I went to my doctor and he suggested I try Celexa, an anti-anxiety/depression med that would help me mellow out a bit. I've now been on the Celexa for nearly 2 years and frankly, the difference in me is amazing. Where I was once so high strung I would snap at the slightest whisper of trouble, I'm now able to handle life in a more relaxed, take it as it comes way. I've thought about going off of it several times, but if a tiny pill keeps me less angry with my husband and kids, dude... bring it. I'd much prefer to be mellow. I've lived the high strung life, and maybe when my kids are older & I'm ready to tackle that hurdle when I don't think I'm going to scar them for life with my crazy high's & lows... I'll go off of it. But for now, the whole house is better off with mama chilled out. SO last week I went in for my annual check up & to renew my perscription when my doctor casually mentions my weight. God I hate when they talk about it... at the time of last weeks visit I was exactly 20 lbs less than when I gave birth two years ago, which is exactly the weight I was when I left the hospital with Madeline. Haven't lost a single pound since I gave birth to her. And yes, that's 45 lbs over what I was when I got pregnant with Madeline. I seem to gain ungodly amounts of weight when pregnant despite eating healthy for the most part. It's really ridculous, both of my pregnancies I gained 60-65 lbs in 9 months. After Elizabeth I was back to my pre baby weight minus an additional 10 lbs when she turned a year old. Madeline however was a different story. I've yet to bother dieting, preferring to play ignorant pretending we don't have a scale, and who needs it anyways?

Well... at last it's time for some decisions. My doctor said I really need to lose about 40 lbs to be in my healthy range. Ouch! I can't say I'm disappointed in myself because really, aside from hating dresses, shorts & swim suits... it really doesn't bother me that I'm the biggest I've ever been aside from when I was pregnant. However, when you mention health I'm a little more logical. I know I'll feel better about myself & my body if I lose some weight. My self confidence is pretty much shot, I prefer to mock myself before others get around to it... but I don't seem to mind it enough to actually do anything about it.

And there lies the problem. I'm now going to try to lose about 40 lbs simply because my heart & body will be more healthy for it. Everything else is sort of non important... but being healthy is a priority, I go out of my way to be sure my kids are in excellant health, yet somehow I've let my own healthy choices fly out the window. Not any more. Starting last week (the morning after my doctor visit) I put myself on a strict work out/diet routine. Yes I'm not one who will lose weight just by eating healthy... I need to diet. Strict, hard core, kick my butt diet. It's the only way for me... once I reach my goal I can maintain pretty easily... but the actual losing part will require lots of work.

I'm happy to report that 1 week in, I'm already down 10 lbs. Which, is mostly b/c I'm sweating off all the water that I normally drink. The first 7 lbs came off within 3 days simply by eating LESS. The next 3 lbs have come from taking in less calories than I'm burning. Dana recommended a great at home work out DVD which is kicking my butt. I'm only on level 1 and it leaves me breathless, exhausted & wanting more at the end of each work out. I was soooo stinking sore those first few days, but I'm getting better at it. My goal is to do a hard work out 3-5 times a week and at least work my arms & abs on the all the off days as that's where I need the most work. Arms & tummy. Ew.

Hopefully by the end of summer I'll have hit my goal weight. My goal is our anniversary in September... if I do hit my weight, I'll be in desperate need of clothes that fit as I have nothing saved from my smaller days. I guess that's not exactly a "bad" problem to have though. lol I love shopping so more motivation right?

I'll try to update every week or two on the weight stuff. It'll be good for me to be accountable to my blog. LOL Bring on the curveball! Let's lose this weight!