Growing Pains

Ever want to put your kids in a bubble so no one can ever hurt them? I do. I know its unreasonable and they have to learn and blah blah blah, but last night was extrememly hard for me. It was also a glimps of the future and how cruel life can be.

Lizzy is just entering the age of realization. She's begining to grasp that her words can hurt others and that she needs to be kind, not only because she'll get in trouble if she isn't but mainly because other people can be her hurt by her unkind actions. Because of this newfound realization I'm able to glimps a bit of who she really is and its both scary and neat that I see a lot of myself in my daughter. One thing I've noticed is that she reaches out to everyone. She loves kids the same age, younger and older. She sees no colors, hears no accents and could care less what a childs "status" is. That's not to say she doesn't notice the differances but as I watch her study people I can see her mind go from curiosity, to acceptance with no boundries to extending kindness. Now, having said that, she's 3. She does have bad attitudes and bad days but fortunately she directs those at me and rarely other people.

So... Where does all this lead us? Well, for all
her faults (and they are many) she is a kind child. And I absolutley love that about her. We were in Walmart on Sunday and there was a black woman decked to the nines in her Sunday best, pastel suit, matching shoes, big hat. Totally normal for Sunday around here. Anyway she was standing by us in line and Lizzy looked over and said, "oh mommy, oh she is beautiful mommy" it was completely unprompted and out of the blue. The lady said "thank you so much, really... Thank you" I have no idea what was going on in that lady's life but she was so appreciative that a random little girl thought she was beautiful. Liz often tells women they're beautiful when they're dressed up and it never fails to make them smile.

Anyway, these are just a few instances of how Liz reaches out to everyone.

And that's probably why it was so hard to watch her feelings get hurt last night when one of her dearest friends was continually nasty to her over and over. I really wanted to step in and say something but I wanted her to learn from it as well. But I have to say it hurt that nothing was said by her parents. I know I'm being sensitive, but its hard not to be, she's my little girl.

So here's what happened. I'll leave out names because these are our friends. So we get to dinner last night and Liz sees her best buddy and runs over to give her a hug. The girl pushed Liz away and said "I don't want to hug you." Liz was hurt but hey, they're 3 I chalked it up to a bad mood. So I go to set Liz by her friend at dinner and the little girl throws a fit and says "no! I don't want you to sit by me." Liz was completely confused... And hurt. But the part that gets me is instead of correcting the behaviour with telling her to be kind and identifying that she's hurting another childs feelings her mom (a good friend of mine) merely said "if you want to choose another seat you can" so she did! She moved across the table and at this point Liz had tears in her eyes. She wouldn't even eat her dinner. Now at this point I was getting annoyed... But I didn't say anything. After dinner the kids went upstairs to watch a movie while we had small group. About 30 minutes in I hear Liz crying upstairs so I go up to see what's going on and she's sitting about 10 feet away from the other kids crying. I asked her what was wrong and the gist of it was that the little girl didn't want Liz to sit with the group while watching the movie so Liz had walked 10 feet away and sat by herself. At that point I was getting mad, I said to the whole group "guys we need to be nice, everyone is included in movie time" I waited until Liz had gotten herself settled again (albeit a few feet away still) but she was watching the movie so I figured all was fine. Then as it was time to go Liz tried to give her friend a hug goodbye and the girl ran off and said "no" her mom was standing right there and said "we give her the freedom to choose if she wants to hug people or not" which, I respect... Somewhat. However watching my 3 year old with her arms out trying to give her friend a hug was heartbraking. All in all I was really bothered by the whole evening. I know I'm being sensitive but on the way home lizzy was very quiet. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "I'm sad... ___ doesn't like me."

*sigh* It made me cry. Jay was furious with the whole evening he wanted to say something so badly but these are good friends of ours and we don't want to sever that relationship so we figured we'd better cool off for a few days and then I'll mention how hurt Liz was to my friend. But watching Liz get her feelings hurt was awful. I wish I could put her in a bubble and protect her from the meanness and hurtful things of the world.

But... This is where I have to trust that God is watching over my girls. He alone can heal their hurts and shelter them through the storms of life. As mild as this was in the grand scheme of things it still broke my heart to hear my baby say "I'm sad."